Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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