Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
