just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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