soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
