he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
