i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
