Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My ass is underappreciated
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
