I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
