he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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