So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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