There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
