my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
