Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
