capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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