Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
