you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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