I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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