i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will be naked everywhere
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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