I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
