I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
