i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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