where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
