I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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