These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Everclear isn't food dammit
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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