In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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