So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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