is your mom at the bar?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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