based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
