I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
