here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
