WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Jerry, you need to find god
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
