We named our party play list daddy issues
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
