help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
