i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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