I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
ugly people sure do ruin things
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
