at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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