Kiss
Puke
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
