they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
