tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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