he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
