Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
