Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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