I can tuck mytits in my pants
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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