he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
