Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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