I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
