Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
