He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
