we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
