so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Say something about gay babies.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
